jee and sex
The title is very misleading, please don't be misled. I'm a very nice kid.
This is how all this probably started, and it is kind of funny to write 'all of this' when this is my first blog post. I didn't even get to write my introduction, I am just confused with what to write there. I don't really know how to start with this blog, but I'll do it anyways. Please refer to1 for how I use certain words as you might start thinking ill of me after reading further.
It all started with Aleen, virtually everything nice that has happened of me in the past few months has started with Aleen. I don't really remember how we got to the title, I could look it up in the chat logs but I like the uncertain nature of it. What Jee and Sex basically is, is a theory, if you'd like to call it that, about life. And I didn't really think that it would have any depth while it was being formulated on a call at 3AM, but it did. You might think its some bs that I made up for myself to think of myself as more mature, and to that I would say sure, if it induces the changes that I have seen in myself in the past months, the delusion is worth it.
Jee and Sex is about answering questions, and from what I've lived of my life in the past 824 weeks, I have gotten the answer through the internet. I consider the internet to be my third parent, it has given so much to me that I am grateful for. To put it exactly, I am grateful how it has still kept me curious. And this is how I became smart. I am also grateful to my parents for not making me do anything forcefully, you'd get this if you've watched 'Big Daddy', epic film. The internet gave me a way to answer any question I have, and that is the best thing that could happen to a kid that is still curious.
Now imagine a person with access to the Internet, could he answer any reasonable questions that he might get asked? No. As some questions, about the person themself, is unknown to the internet, but is expected to be known by the person. Isn't it the most basic form of question a person could get? about themselves? Now what scares me, knowing everything, except about myself. And even tho its supposed to be the most basic form of question, it is the most difficult of. Why am I the way I am? That's the question, and that's the point of Jee and Sex.
Let's start with the prime example of Jee and Sex Exercise: The Niche Theory. I am in love with everything niche. This video explains it quite nicely. But that isn't exactly how I feel about it. So basically, I have this habit of associating with anything that I consider niche, cause somehow niche is cool for me. And I disassociate myself from anything that I feel like people are starting to suddenly like. Now I never really liked this habit of mine, but I didn't realize the true extent of it up until this Jee and Sex bs. Now to fully deconstruct the decisions that brought me up to this point is the Jee and Sex theory. The first instance of me being involved in this niche theory, would probably be grade 5, when I started exploring the internet properly. I came across a lot of good content, everything from learning how exactly an engine works, to what kind of insects you use in a terrarium, to coding and stuff. And none of this information people I met irl had. So, I would surely have developed some sort of superiority complex. And to scientifically validate myself as superior, I would need a method of comparison, something common between me and them to decide if I'm actually better, and if the superiority complex is a little justified. But how do you compare something so niche, so you don't, and you just consider the act of it being so niche superior.
This is not really the true extent of Jee and Sex, this was just a single level of depth: A trait, and a reasoning to the trait. Over the months Jee and Sex has expanded to more than this, its not just reasoning anymore, its trying to find the exact event where it begun. Now that is a very difficult task, and it takes a lot of time, partly because I have to get myself vulnerable enough to think that things of such a small order could affect me in such a large way, and because I actually have to think of things of such small orders dating back to a couple of years, or even more.
I feel like this isn't the best explanation for it, but it makes you give it a thought, and that is the whole point. You might think why any of this matters, but the more you know yourself, the better you can decide for yourself. Till date, I've done this exercise on multiple things, on how my relationship with people has been affected, how I have dealt with failure. And that thinking about my relations with people has changed me, and made me into a better person2. And me doing this whole exercise with failure, it made me feel better about UWC3 after so many months, and it took me an hour, a single hour, to change how I feel about it, to remove everything negative attached to that memory.
I don't know how to end this, but I also know I don't know to end this. I might as well keep adding in updates here because I know that this exercise is going to keep changing.
Also, I love emails.
So if you do somehow end up reading this, drop me an email here. I would to hear about what you think about all of this shit.
Edits
reading this for this first time really makes me understand how shit my English really is